There are an estimated 50 million caregivers in the United States today. These are largely children taking care of an elderly parent or a parent taking care of a child with special needs. Typically, when greeted by a friend or relative, they are almost always asked, “How is Joe or Jane?” rather than how they, the caregiver themselves, are doing?
Quite bluntly, all too many caregivers lose themselves in someone else’s story. That loss of identity drifts into every part of a caregivers life, including New Year’s Resolutions. Instead of pursuing things of personal enhancements, many caregivers settle for just surviving.
Yet, caregivers can thrive as healthier, calmer, and even (dare it be said) more joyful individuals —regardless of their circumstances. But it takes a little physical (and emotional) elbow-grease, planning, and practical directions from someone who knows the trail.
Rather than loftier goals of losing 30 pounds and getting a better job or darker goals of simply not dying, caregivers’ New Year’s resolutions can be a series of small steps towards a better life for themselves—and allow them to better care for their loved one.
1) See a doctor yourself. More than 70% of caregivers don’t see a doctor.
2) Do something that reflects beauty and means something to your hear. Wood working, crafts, music, painting, gardening, and poetry/writing are example of things that we as caregivers have inside us. Sometimes we feel permission is required to express ourselves. So, for a great New Year’s resolution, give yourself that permission.
3) Make list of those you resent. Read it slowly. Picture each person (even if YOUR name in on this list). Then burn the list. Lose grudges but keep boundaries with those who are not safe or affirming.
4) Make one small change in your diet. For instance, substitute water for a sugary drink. Grab a piece of fruit instead of a candy bar. Substitute a salad for a burger. Olive oil for butter.
5) Mail a card to yourself for the next upcoming holiday, a Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Anniversary, Birthday. Pick out a card your loved one would send if he/she were healthy emotionally and physically. And put a $10 bill in it.
6) Do something physical. Walk to the back of the house and back. Alan Alda walks around to John Phillips Sousa to help with his Parkinson’s. He’s not a doctor but he played one on TV …and it’s pretty good advice. He lifts up his knees. Something that simple can really benefit caregivers. Weight gain is common in caregivers. (“I once got so big that my picture fell off the wall.”)
7) Isolation is crippling. Find a support group. Yes, many exist online, but look for one close to you that matches your challenges( Alz, Parkinson’s, Autism, etc.) If there’s not one, go to a 12-step recovery group like Al-Anon. It doesn’t have to match your situation exactly, but it’s good to spend time around people working a program to help them deal with something they can’t control.
8) Call a trusted friend and tell them you’re struggling. Take a leap of faith that they will listen. Don’t ask for solutions …just an ear and a tender heart.
Small steps and attainable goals. Living as a caregiver doesn’t require us to be miserable or unhealthy. Make this new year a spectacular one for you—even while serving as a caregiver, and remember, “Healthy Caregivers Make Better Caregivers!”
Note: The Chicago Tribune published this commentary that is a version of the above guest pitch sheet: https://www.chicagotribune.com/opinion/commentary/ct-opinion-caregivers-family-holidays-christmas-20191217-7h5yae3s2fgr7emiwbiah6einy-story.html
ABOUT PETER ROSENBERGER…
A 30+ year caregiver for his wife, Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, Peter Rosenberger understands the caregiver’s journey in ways few do. Broadcasting on Sirius XM’s Family Talk Channel 131, and on an additional 180 stations through American Family Radio, Peter hosts the nation’s #1 show for family caregivers. From Autism to Alzheimer’s to addiction, Peter addresses the needs of those caring for loved ones with chronic impairments.
